My Trip To Oklahoma

I woke up, feeling like I was going to fall over, and I hoped that when I did, it would be into some sort of ice cold sports drink pool because I was PARCHED. That's what happens when you drink whiskey "double donna's" that Andy Perez makes for you. I think that when you ask for low fat cream cheese, they just give you less on the actual bagel. Anyway, I drove Jay to get his car from the towing place. It was quite the experience. I get home and Ashley calls me saying there are beer cans all over outside and that our neighbors are going to call a cleanup crew to come and then bill us for it. I hop over the fence outside to find ONE beer bottle. One. A cleanup crew? Seriously? When Ash said "cleanup crew" I literally pictured four meatheaded guys in orange jumpsuits standing there with one of those sticker things and all poking at the ONE beer bottle on the ground.
"That will be one ollar please." The fat one would say to me when he was done.

So I pick it up, throw it out, make sure all the empty 30 pack boxes on OUR DECK are out of sight from the neighbors. Ridiculous. I get in the shower. Warm. Fun. And no one's home so I start singing. The first song that comes into my head? "Oh What A Beautiful Morning" from Oklahoma. So I'm singing "I've got a beautiful feeling, everything's goin' my way!" at the top of my lungs and I can't help but writhe in the irony. Vocal chords don't fail me now! The steam feels wonderful and the soap on my acid-burnt face feels so cleansing. And I can't help but think what the hell I'm going to write for my Art of Female Rebellion class.

Wop-wahhhh.